Posts by AK MCGRATH

61

Did You Get To "Handle The Microphones"???

by minimus in

jw
friends

were you one of those deemed "qualifed for this privilege":??

?

yes, this month is the presidential election in my country and im going to exercise my right of voting .......... what im not sure about is if i let mom know, she is still a jw and im basically fading so, i dont want to mess it up, but at the same time i feel that i shoul be free for once and all.

i dont live with her anymore but that would break her heart, and she has high blood pressure problems so, why to bother?

i dont know :s.

AK MCGRATH

Good for you, Dudu. I'm voting for the first time ever, too. It feels good, doesn't it?

Regardless if whom I'm voting for wins, at least I took the opportunity afforded me to to cast my ballot. It's nice to have a little voice, isn't it?

22

Anyone else have (or used to have) their DCs at Hawthorne Race Track in IL?

by outsmartthesystem in

remember the gold cup room and the "barrel seats"?

boy....talk about brotherly love.

when i was a kid, i worked in food prep for our hall.

AK MCGRATH

Now, see? This kinda thing makes me want to know who you peeps are, in case I should know any of you. ok..I'll just put it out there. Anyone go to The Norwood Park or Northwest Congregations? LMAO! I could be opening a can of worms, but right now I don't give a fuck. lol PM me if youd like, if you have attended those halls or around there. I'd love to know more peeps from my old congos have jumped ship, too! Oh the stories I'm sure we could tell...lol "APOSTATES" UNITE!

22

Anyone else have (or used to have) their DCs at Hawthorne Race Track in IL?

by outsmartthesystem in

remember the gold cup room and the "barrel seats"?

boy....talk about brotherly love.

when i was a kid, i worked in food prep for our hall.

AK MCGRATH

Raisin, you naughty little flirt! You could've stumbled that brother right out of the "truth" you know. lol

And are you speaking of Bloomington, IN?

22

Anyone else have (or used to have) their DCs at Hawthorne Race Track in IL?

by outsmartthesystem in

remember the gold cup room and the "barrel seats"?

boy....talk about brotherly love.

when i was a kid, i worked in food prep for our hall.

AK MCGRATH

Do tell, Raisin!! lol

And you are right, OTWO. Cellular Field...Holy crap were those stairs steep or what? You'd think the WTBTS would be afraid someone would fall and hurt themselves. BAHAHAHA Sorry. I forgot they don't give a crap!

And speaking of crap, how about when the horse dumped a big pile of shit onto the racetrack? I'm thinking it was really an angel in disguise and letting us all know what they thought of what was being spewed by the WTBTS!

There were times I sat outside @ Hawthorne, too, if necessary. I must say, I actually thought of the Dist. Convent's this weekend. This past Sunday I was selling at a flea market. It was friggin HOT, and I remembered what I used to do to cool off at the outdoor conventions. I grabbed my little icepack and put my feet on it. Ahhhh. See! I did learn something useful while at the DC's!

22

Anyone else have (or used to have) their DCs at Hawthorne Race Track in IL?

by outsmartthesystem in

remember the gold cup room and the "barrel seats"?

boy....talk about brotherly love.

when i was a kid, i worked in food prep for our hall.

AK MCGRATH

You bet I remember the Hawthorne Race Track....and what I remember ain't pretty.

I think it was my first time I went to Hawthorne, and I was still studying. I didn't know about these coveted seats. I was just walking and looking for a seat with a good view to the stage. As I was about to place my books in the seat and search for others I knew, this "brother" bum rushes the chair and throws his stuff in it. I was stunned and pissed all at the same time. I let him have the chair, and I said to him, "Wow! THAT'S being Christian!" I ended up sitting in a hard plastic chair elsewhere. ASSHOLE!

Our congo was in "charge of" making the sand's for the afternoon session, and once I started to help making them (after I was deemed worthy enough, of course) I never understood why we stayed into the start of the program. I mean, there we'd be, and all of a sudden everything got silent and around me it looked as if Jehovah sprinkled "freeze dust" upon us. We stopped what we were doing and looked like friggin mannequins with sandwhiches in hand, mid air, or on the table, and bowed our heads in prayer. Crazy ass shit, looking back, but it was total loyalty while you were in it.

The final thing I NEVER understood was HOW in the hell can you rent out a facility whose practices you condemn? Of course now I understand it is because of the greedy bastards aka WTBTS wanting $$ (paid parking, donations, etc.) so they didn't care where they held a convention, as long as they were rolling in some mulah.

Some of the "bros & sis's" (even the "bigwigs") tried to explain to me that it didn't matter this was a gaming house, because, you see, when WE were there, it magically turned into a house of worship. Huh! That's some pretty awesome renovation shit right there, I tell ya. And yea, I bought into it for some time, but that nagging feeling inside me (common fucking sense and the HATRED for hypocrisy) got the better of me, and so when I questioned why "we" couldn't find another place within the realm of possibilities, I was looked at like, how dare YOU, little peon sister! Now be gone from our greatness!

When we were admonished to invite worldly people we knew (and that better NOT be people we were choosing to hang with, but more like family or co-workers), I was embarrassed to do so. I felt like a total hypocrite, especially when they reacted the same way I did. "How can you have a religious program at a racetrack?", my Catholic co-worker inquired. Aren't JW's againt gambling. Oh, Charmaine, you silly worldly good-for-nothing Catholic. Don't you see? Yes, "JW's are against gambling, but when WE are there, it is no longer a racetrack, but it is transformed into a spiritual paradise" with Jehovah God as our landlord for three days. Well, three days times as many DC's there are. Let's just say Jehovah OWNS that racetrack's ass for the Summer, shall we? In fact, Charmaine, DID YOU KNOW we even leave the racktrack in a greater condition than when we arrived?" Oh brother (no pun intended)! As I am typing this, I realize what a big farce that was, too. Hey everyone! Let's get Satan's house of play into even BETTER shape...Jehovah's gonna destroy them anyway, so let them have their fun while they can. Worldly fools! After a while, I didn't even invite anyone. I couldn't justify us having anything to do with the racetrack.

They then started to have the DC's on a college campus, (which again is hypocritical, since they advise against getting a college degree for the most part) and I thought it was pretty far away. As always, we were supposed to invite people, but I would always end up sharing a room with a best friend of mine. So to me, if someone actually wanted to go, I would either have to drive over 1 hour back and forth each day or share my room with this interested person. Um, how the hell do I know this is a stable person and won't stab us in the middle of the night? Just because you have a return visit or bible study with someone, it doesn't make them roommate material! I'm not saying anything WOULD have happened, but I'm not saying it WOULDN'T HAVE, either. Criminy! I definitely wouldn't ask some sisters I knew to share a room for a few days INSIDE the "truth". What makes the WTBTS think I would want a possible stranger sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night spooning me (Unless she was cute of course..lmao) or knifing me to death?

It's incredible how, once you are out of all that bullshit, you can stand back and just look in amazement at what we accepted because of men claiming to be spokespersons for God Almighty. I am so fucking grateful to be where I am today. I don't have to fight anyone for a seat. I also can pray BEFORE I eat my sandwhich and not while I'm making it. Lastly, I have no worries about anyone spooning me in the middle of the night that I don't want to.

23

6 YEARS AFTER FADING, I RUN INTO JW'S FROM MY OLD HALL

by AK MCGRATH in

i knew one day it would happen.

i often wondered how i would react.

well, sometimes things don't work out exactly as planned.. last weekend i went back home to chi-town to finally clean out a locker my sister and i share.

AK MCGRATH

Hiya Jemba~I see your point, but the truth is, I do not know for certain how they have "classified" me. Here is a little more of my story:

When I left the congr to move, I was hardly going to meetings, and my friends certainly knew I was depressed or that SOMETHING was just not right. Since I was removed from the pioneer list just as I was moving downstate to be near one of my "adopted" families and one half of my best friends, (in order to shake off all the depression and make it only a blurb in the rearview mirror) I am sure the shit was being slung.

I was good for a while down there, but then I became so depressed I didn't leave the house..or my bed much. At this time, my sister and my two neices were also living with me. I asked them to come so I could help THEM out, before all this got so bad.

I was in sales, and I couldn't even get out to earn money to pay the rent on the house. I just had no hope, no life left in me, and unbearable guilt about all of it! I know my friend and her husband were so concerned about me one time, they came over and knocked and knocked and knocked saying they knew I was in there. (lol Typical witnesses, eh?) My sister opened the door, and I was in my bedroom. My friends told me to come out of my room. I reluctantly did, and they literally dragged me out of the house and took me to the park to talk.

I knew the root of my depression was my homosexual feelings and they were only getting stronger. How many damn times did I try to "pray the away the gay" during my life? Innumerable. How many times did God take it away from me? NOT ONCE, GOD DAMN IT!

At this time, my feelings were so entrenched in me that I thought I was going to explode! I was such a fucking horrible mess, just sobbing, not being able to disclose what my turmoil within was. I actually felt that someone just looking at me could "tell" I was gay at this point. Although, they would not come right out and ask me if I was. They wanted me to say it. Is that what they really wanted from me? I know they wanted me to be my old jovial, crazy ass self, but they were as helpless as I was. Afterall, what chance could I take by telling them I was a full raging lesbian stuck in such a miserable life because I couldn't do anything about it? JW's HATE gays by all accounts, and if I had disclosed my true self and have gotten anything but a positive, loving response, I don't know what I would have done. TRUTHFULLY!

So, after attending a few meetings again, and all of us feeling things were on the upswing, I once again fell into a pitiable state. I stayed with them for a few weeks or so. I think we all thought this too, would help, but I mainly slept on their couch. One day they told me it wasn't working out, but found me a sister at the hall who needed a little company and I could stay there for free. I think that worked for about a month, and then I moved back to Chi-town and went back to my old Congre. All this time frame was probably a year-year and a half.

Well, I was hopeful back in my old congre, but things were never the same. I did have a close-knit group of friends with whom we'd go out in service, but even they couldn't help me in the long run. One elder who was always nice to me, wasn't anymore. In fact, when I was working as a live-in caregiver (ironic, isn't it?) for a sister at the hall, he and some others would come by and only give HER shepherding calls. Because she was older, she deserved them ONLY? What about this other person right before them who they have hardly seen at meetings? Didn't I fucking matter anymore? Apparently not. They treated me basically like I was invisible, and so back to my room I went, while this sister (who treated me like shit, by-the-way) got her loving encouraging shepherding call.

There's still more to this story, but I should end it here. The bottom line, like I said, is I do not know what my status is with my old hall now. So, I am not sure how to react, I guess.

Now, if I were to come in contact with my sweet, best friend from there? I would gage her reaction to me, and then go from there. I actually could see myself telling her if she REALLY and HONESTLY wants to know what is going on with me. Crazy as all my rants have been, it would almost be a relief for her to know the truth about me. To let her know I love her that much, to tell her in complete honesty, witholding nothing, why I had been so depressed and withdrawn for so long. I would only hope she would have the compassion to understand and still love me for the good-hearted person that I am. (God, I hate when I start to get emotional over all this). Even if she did, yet felt an obligation to Jehovah to inform the brothers, I would understand it all. I truly would.

23

6 YEARS AFTER FADING, I RUN INTO JW'S FROM MY OLD HALL

by AK MCGRATH in

i knew one day it would happen.

i often wondered how i would react.

well, sometimes things don't work out exactly as planned.. last weekend i went back home to chi-town to finally clean out a locker my sister and i share.

AK MCGRATH

OTWO~Although your writing on this last post was so small I needed a magnifying glass, I read and have now responded to your pm. TY

Shawn~I can understand where you are coming from, but we just see things differently. Who knows, maybe in the future, should it happen again, I won't react the same way. I at least hope not. It was just so random, and this gossipy sister was an elder's wife (last I knew). When I was able, I checked on FB on the daugh who is 19 or so y/o, cuz I was sure these two would have an account, and they did. I KNOW PEOPLE..It's a blessing or a curse..I haven't decided yet.

Anyway, in the daughter's public FB page, I see there are a few pics of my gay friend's sister, whom I knew as a toddler. I taught her colors from a bracelet I had. This was one of my "adopted" families I adored. I loved this girl, seeing that little tomboy in her, with a cute Bronx accent, even though she is from ChicAhhhgo.

One of the times I was over, her mom had told me that out of the blue, T***** said, "When I get older, I want to marry J***." Her mom had to explain to her why that couldn't be, but all she knew was she loved me that much. lol Of course my heart melted all the more as I laughed with her mom. She was like a little mini-me.

I was VERY close with this family, and will always have a place in my heart for them. I actually long for a day where we may even meet again..perhaps with just even her mom, my friend as well (and who I got baptized with). So you see, while you may think it's funny to "put it in their face", I think the opposite. Nothing wrong with your style if it works for you. And that is the beauty of leaving the "truth". We really do have freedom to make decisions that are best for OURSELVES. As it is, I am sticking by mine. But I do thank you for your story and perspective on matters.

12

it just blows me away!

by stillin in

a friendly group of young people came in the drive yesterday.

they all got out with smiles and said that they were looking to put canned food into the "food bank," i assumed for people who need to eat.

i wasn't sure what my wife could part with from the pantry but surely we could gather something for somebody who has much less!

AK MCGRATH

Jemba~spot on sister (and I mean that in an ex-JW way ) Aaaand, you died faithfully, so you're sure to get a resurrection, right? Not only that, you may be immortalized forever by having your story shared in the WT or A!

NVR2LT~ Love to hear stuff like that. Feels good, doesn't it? What is happening? You are finding your love for humanity once again. Congrats!

Crushed~Loved your post. Thank you for sharing

My latest song obsession is appropriate for this thread, and it's funny, I can't help but apply it to the entire ORG. The Black Eyed Peas' song, Where is the Love? www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpYeekQkAdc&ob=av2n

23

6 YEARS AFTER FADING, I RUN INTO JW'S FROM MY OLD HALL

by AK MCGRATH in

i knew one day it would happen.

i often wondered how i would react.

well, sometimes things don't work out exactly as planned.. last weekend i went back home to chi-town to finally clean out a locker my sister and i share.

AK MCGRATH

Oh you people crack me up...make me thankful to be here...and outright scare me lol

Going down the line...On The Way Out...You still remind me of a brother I knew. Could it be? Anyway, You are correct...I don't want the gossip, nor to be hunted down. Nor do I wish to hurt people that mean something to me, despite it all.

WTW~I felt like I just left a pharmaceutical class. Thank you for that lesson today, teacher. You had me at "First", but lost me at, "One". Especially will I not take any advice that has the word "prick" in it

Steve~great points and lots to think about. Thanku!

Found sheep~ You look like an old friend of mine from the hall..it's a nice reminder. I am guessing they were waiting for me? lol Talk about paranoia, I know. But it was really strange. That is how I felt. I saw them come out, and I swear they saw me in my car. I scrunched down a little in my seat and then texted my g-friend in the bathroom asking her if she was going to be out here soon (Damn! That musta been some lunch she ate! lmao), cuz they are laying (or is it lying) in wait. They were there as long as I was there, is all I know. I moved my car in hopes they didn't actually see me again or thought I left. But I wouldn't doubt at all that they were on the phone...guess who WE saw...and the gossip begins with a J*** sighting. Although I am a site to behold DA-AMN! couldn't ya wait till I was outta the parking lot to trash me? NO! Well, those were the voices in my head at least. Funny how the paranoia found itself quickly once again being in the same space as the JW's. Scary!

Ding~I LOVE that thought. You had me chuckle.

Nomad~Sounds like you speak from experience? lol

Straightshooter~Is your point, silence is golden, or did you forget to get onto Firefix as I have done? Grrr. I hate that, too.

Thank you ladies and gents for all your replies..snarky, serious and quirky. Bring it, anytime!